A Tribute to Mary Chapin Carpenter

Mary Chapin Carpenter has touched my soul ever since I first heard her songs, and I can't imagine a time when she will not be my favorite artist of all time.  Usually, I prefer songs that I can easily pick up the lyrics to and sing along full-throttle.  But Mary's songs are different.  Most of them are not really the sing-along type.  They may be the hum-along type, but the lyrics are long, different and not easily remembered (especially not when your MCC playlist is nearly 200 songs strong).  Yet, like a particularly poignant poem, book or movie, her songs strike a chord in my soul no matter how many times I hear them.  Sometimes they lift me up, sometimes they make me cry, and more often than not, they leave me in bitter-sweet reminiscence of days gone by and tentative hopes for days to come. Mary may be a year older than my mother, but I know in her heart, she's just a girl like me....

Girls Like Me - M.C.C.

Girls like me aren’t hard to find
We grow like roses on the vine
We wear our hearts on our sleeves
You probably know a girl like me.

We live alone and in our heads
We eat standing up or in our beds
Guilt and fear merge easily
In the quiet souls of girls like me

And loneliness is like a cold,
Common and no cure we’re told
We take to bed per chance to dream
In the blue light of the TV screen.

Girls like me like summer light
And cold beer on a summer night
And boys who aren’t afraid of what they see
Inside the eyes of girls like me

And hopefulness is like a drug
It makes a girl believe in love
And if somehow you love us back
You think there’s something wrong with that

Girls like me aren’t hard to trust
Your deepest secret’s safe with us
And when it’s time to set you free
You can always count on girls like me

It’s good to know a girl like me
You used to love a girl like me

Good Times with Friends = Lonely Dreams

I woke up feeling an overwhelming sense of loneliness.   It was a bizarre dream that put me there. 

Me, Vanessa, EA, Drew, Ben, Andi and little Isiah at Beauty and the Beast.

I was sitting in a class on the Chapel Hill campus (at my present or future age, not past), next to a friend I have from Charlotte currently.  The professor decided that everyone should leave with someone new, and I was paired with this freshman kid.  As we walked out, he started talking and was so obnoxious it was unbelievable.  Finally, I told him how to get to his dorm (after a derisive comment from him about "How would you know how to get there?" and my response "I've lived here for a long time Little Boy." (Ok, so I didn't really say the last two words, but I wanted to).  After he finally left, I walked down Stadium Drive (the road where my dorm was that I lived in for four years), and passed this huge dorm at the beginning of the street called Carmichael.  A little girl was advertising a dance that was going to be held in Carmichael and I asked who was in charge so I could talk to them.  She let me in the building and took me to her father who was working behind a desk.  He was a very intimidating man.  I asked if the Ballroom Club could perform at their dance, and he gave me this whole spiel about how they were changing the way they were doing dances and basically, they didn't want it to be a ballroom dance with lessons and such.  I said that he misunderstood me - I just wanted us to perform a number or two as guest performers, not teachers.  That way, we could attract more people to our club.  I wanted to run down to my dorm, Parker, to get something and prove to him who I was, when I looked at my keys. 

Just the gals in our 3D glasses - Vanessa, me, EA, Andi.

At first, I thought I'd lost my pass to get into my dorm, and then I was thinking about it, and I didn't remember getting one.  Then, suddenly, I realized - I no longer lived there.  As that realization kicked in, I thought I must now live off campus because I was not an undergrad anymore.  Then I thought, "OMG, so I must not be Ballroom Club president anymore - you have to be an undergrad."  THEN, I realized, holy crap - I don't go to school here anymore period!  I can't, because Chapel Hill doesn't have a graduate writing program.  And all of a sudden, I felt a huge sense of loneliness and abandonment come over me.

Vanessa, Andy, me, Ben and Jess bowling.

I know, it doesn't sound that bad, laughable almost, but was was really not a good feeling to wake up to.  I had to keep reminding myself over and over that no matter where I go, I will make new friends and I will be happy and involved.  Part of this dream surely came from the fact that my Charlotte friend group is not only large but growing in both number and closeness.  Last night, I went to a birthday party at my friend Angela's house and then to a game night at Elizabeth Anne's house.  There were many friends and acquaintances at her house and I had such a great time getting to know everyone better.  Charlotte ONE also started last Tuesday and I made a couple new friends there.  Tonight, a bunch of people are getting together at my friend Ben's house to watch a great Christian speaker streaming live from a nearby church (it would be too crowded to go in person). Last weekend, several of us went to see Beauty and the Beast in 3D after church, and later went bowling (I scored a 143 one game!). 

But I suppose all this friend time is making me realize how much I will miss them all when I'm gone.  I so hope that Lieselotte and I either end up at the same school or in close proximity.  How much better it would be to start a whole new life with someone who I know like the back of my hand.  The great thing about true friendship is, that no matter how far away you are, you never feel emotionally distanced.  But it's the day to day things - grabbing coffee, discussing lectures, going to the mall, watching a good movie - that I miss so much from our friendship.  I'm beyond excited that I will get to see here once in February (when I go to visit her in Raleigh), once in March (when she comes to visit me in Charlotte) and then again in May when I visit her in Amsterdam.  I'm so very proud of her - the reason she is back in the USA for Feb and March is because she got interviews for her PhD program at Berkeley, Duke, UNC and Washington Univ.  Go Lieselotte!

Yesterday I made my first ever Vegan Banana Bread - it actually turned out very well.  I think I will try it again soon - healthier by far than the normal kind, since there is no butter or milk or eggs. 

My First Travel Article!!!!

This was published in the Jan. 2012 edition of Boom! Magazine which is distributed in the Triangle area.  I know it is probably not readable uploaded as photos like this, but you may be able to see it a bit bigger by clicking on each "photo" of the pages.   

And a Happy New Year!

View from Tiff's parents house in West Jefferson

The couple days before New Years, I went up to West Jefferson where Tiffany's parents recently purchased a mountain house.  It is on the very top of one of the mountains and has a lovely view over many ranges.  In the distance you can see both Beech and Sugar Mountains, along with Grandfather mountain and Hawksbill.  It was very cold, and the first day we did naught but sit around, talk and play games.  Tiffany and I also spent a good deal of time with her brother's twin babies (a boy and a girl, Max and Zoe) who just turned two months old.  The first night and half day I was there, the house consisted of me, Tiffany, Mitch, Tiffany's parents, her brother and sister-in-law and their three babies, Tiffany's grandparents and 8 dogs!  Yes, it was a houseful, but luckily the mountain house is well-equipped for sleeping numerous visitors at once.  In fact, there is ample bedding for over 18 people.  During the first full day I was there, Tiffany's brother, sister-in-law and three babies and one dog left to be replaced with her dad's cousin and her three children and one of their spouses.  Long story short, there was never a lack of someone to talk to or mouths to feed!

With Jamie at Village Tavern on NYE.

Mrs. Caruso was so good to us and we had a constant supply of delicious home-made meals and treats.  Like my mother, she tends to be a food hoarder, but I suppose that is good when you have visitors in a constant stream.  During the second full day, we all went to Boone where we had lunch and checked out a few shops, before going to an overlook that Tiffany knew about.  From there, despite the frigid wind and air, it was a really great view of all of Boone and App State.

With my sweet Bethany on NYE.

It was nice seeing Tiffany's three cousins again, as I have met them off and on over the years.  We all played some games together and it was nice just catching up.  The youngest, Angie, watched a few episodes of Vampire Diaries with me (as she was the only other fan), and the oldest, Lauren, said I was welcome to visit her and her husband in Boston anytime. 

I drove home on New Year's Eve day and got ready for the party at Village Tavern that night.  This was my third year attending that party and the second year that my friend Jamie came as my date. ;)  However, many of my Charlotte ONE friends attend, so it is always a good crowd of friends wishing each other a happy new year.  I was particularly delighted to run into Kyle from Jacksonville, FL who I did not know would be in town.  He let Drew and me stay with him on our way down to Cape Coral last year (and the way back), and during our stay Kyle and I became friends.  It was very nice to see him again and hear that he will be moving back to Charlotte in June (though I will probably be leaving Charlotte in August).

With Lesley and Drew on NYE.

In the spirit of Auld Lang Syne, I have decided to return to Europe in May.  It is something I have wanted to do pretty much ever since I left in June of 2009.  I truly cannot believe it will have been almost a full three years by the time I return. In many ways, the experience feels like it was just yesterday - in others, a lifetime ago.  After much thought and consideration, I decided May would be the best month for many reasons:
1) prices are far too high over the summer, as flights and train tickets skyrocket in starting in June
2) It will be near the end of Lieselotte's time in Amsterdam so not only will I have a place to stay with her, but she will be done with school and able to travel with me (hopefully)
3) Lieselotte will be here in the states for Feb through mid-March, so it would be pointless to go then
4) Going in may will give me four months to save up, then two full months of income upon my return before leaving for grad school
5) It will be after I have my grad school decisions, and therefore those will not weigh on my mind while away
6) It will be my last opportunity to go during off-peak season before I turn 26, at which point I will no longer qualify for youth discounts
7) It will be the last time I can go before I am living on a meager grad school stipend and cannot afford to travel, much less eat ;)  (But let's be honest, if it were down to the two, I'd probably choose starvation lol).
8) If I don't go now, I may never get to see Sylvia again.  (She's a friend's grandmother who I visited frequently in Oxford while I was living in London. She is now 95 and apparently slowing down quite a bit.)
9) It will be one of the last times I can go while Carmen and Enrique are still in school and therefore not completely occupied with jobs as lawyers.
10) I MISS IT

Haha, okay, so no one else probably cared to read my diatribe, but writing it all out made me feel better about the decision to dip into my bank account for around $2,000.  I just bought my flight ticket - I will depart the night of April 30 and return on May 30. Yay!

On a different note, I got my first stitches today.  I had this weird bump on my leg that itched and the doctor said it wasn't dangerous, but I told him I wanted it removed anyway.  So, they numbed me up and sliced me and stitched me.  It was the bizarrest thing because I knew he was cutting me and sewing on me, but I couldn't feel a thing!  The downside is that these heavy-duty stitches have to be in here for two weeks, and I can't work out again until Monday.  The doctor gave me a long lecture before he agreed to do the surgery about how other patients had ripped their stitches apart by doing things like squatting down or exercising.  I think he knew I am pretty athletic because I was telling him about all the trails I hiked while in Utah (several of which he'd recommended to me).  Anyway, I agreed to take it easy.  *sighs*  As long as I can do silks on Monday evening!

I guess there isn't too much else to report as of now.  (As though this hasn't been long enough).

Post Christmas Reflections

The BOB girls at Operation Christmas Child Warehouse.

The past few weeks have been such a whirlwind - from Thanksgiving to Christmas always feels that way - and now that all the hype is over, I'm looking forward to working off the five pounds I've gained and having a bit of time to breathe.

Rachel, Christina, Bethany and me at a Christmas Party.

Some of the BOB girls at our leader, Kathy's, X-Mas party.

 A couple weeks before Christmas, my life group girls and I all went to Operation Christmas Child Warehouse to sort shoe boxes which are delivered around the world to impoverished children. It is one of our favorite "serves" each year.




A couple days before Christmas I went up to Lake Norman to visit with Tiffany, her fiance Mitch and her whole family.  The house was a little crazy with 11 people and 8 dogs running around, but it was a lot of fun.  We spent the day running various errands and looking at a potential house for Tiffany and Mitch.  I'm so happy they are considering moving closer to Charlotte so I don't have to go all the way to Asheville to visit. On Saturday morning, before driving back to Charlotte, we all went to breakfast and met Tiffany's brother and sister-in-law and their three babies.  The two newest are twins and so sweet.  I enjoyed getting to hold them and look forward to the day when Tiff and Mitch will have their own.

With Erika in front of our neighbor's lights.

Saturday evening, my family had Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Bob and his girlfriend Cheryl over for Christmas Eve Dinner.  It was really yummy and we all played cards after the meal.

I also talked to Lieselotte on Saturday and was absolutely delighted to hear that she has gotten interviews for grad school so far at Duke, UNC and Berkeley!  I'm so thrilled for her.  It also means that she'll be back in the US for said interviews from early February to mid-March. Yay!!  I still have my fingers crossed that we may both end up together at Washington Univ., or that I will get into Stanford and she will get into SF or Berkeley, or that she'll go to Duke or UNC and I'll be close like Greensboro or Wilmington. I'm tired of being thousands of miles away from my best friend!

From my silk show.

It has also been on my mind lately to return to Europe.  If I can swing it, I'd like to go for the month of May - arriving in London and visiting London, Oxford, Amsterdam (where Lieselotte is) and then traveling with her down to southern Spain (where my friend Enrique and Carmen are). The only caveat is how much the flights are then, and the price of a Eurorail pass. At current prices, it is looking like the trip would cost about $1,475 for the flight and ground transportation between countries and cities.  However, I'd also have to tack on food money, subway transport within each city, and cost of museums or activities.  Thanks to Couchsurfing and friends abroad, I shouldn't have to pay to sleep.  But the point is, we're looking at a minimum of $2,000, after having just spent $1,000 on grad school applications and having just had to pay my taxes on Feb. 14.  I need to figure out how much I'll probably owe, and then I can determine if I have the savings for it.  Also, I'd need to book the trip before I know about where I'm going to grad school, and that's another consideration because some places will be more expensive than others.  Urrg.  However, one of my Christmas presents was a new suitcase of the exact right size for this sort of trip....

On Christmas day (yesterday), I got up and made breakfast for Mom and Dad, then we all went to church while Brett was still sleeping.  When we got back, I woke up Brett and we opened presents and then started watching "It's a Wonderful Life" before going over to Uncle Bob's for Christmas dinner with the crowd from the night before plus Kelly, Bob, and the two girls.  The girls were so precious playing with their new gifts and it was nice to be with everyone.

The Wednesday before Christmas I held a party at our house for all the BOB girls (Bevy of Beauties) - my life group from church.  It was such a nice party because almost everyone came and I made chili and everyone brought something - it was just delightful.  One of our old members, Jennifer, came with her baby Caroline.  It was so good to see them, but poor Caroline (5 mo. old) was a little overwhelmed by the 15 loud, talking girls. Also, Erika from LA came and stayed with me Wed and Thurs nights.  It was so good to see her again so soon!  We all had such a delightful night!  Vanessa and Christina and Erika all spent the night, and the next morning Erika and I went for about a three mile run around the park next door.  Then Erika had to run errands and meet up with other friends, Christina had to babysit, but Vanessa and I went with Mom to see Girl With the Dragon Tattoo which was really good - even though it was rather scary!  When Erika got back to my house that evening, Vanessa and I joined her and her former Charlotte roommate Rene for dinner at Sushi 101.  (I had fried rice).  Overall, it was a really great two days!

Also, on Dec. 18, I performed in my first silk aerial show.  It was a student performance, but there were many people there.  Mom wanted to come, but she had a migraine, so Bethany and Christina came to watch me, which made me so happy.  I was really flattered because after the show a few different people came up to me and said what a good job I did and that they couldn't believe it was my first performance.

Christmas Eve Dinner at our house.

I'm going up to Tiffany's parents' mountain house for a few days before New Years, and I am looking forward to that.  It's so nice that we've had a chance to spend more time together lately.

Giving Poetry a Second Shake

Tonight I went to my first meeting of the Charlotte Writers Club, and while I admit the age balance was upwardly skewed, I really enjoyed myself!  Upon arrival, another woman was in the lobby of the church where the club meets asking for directions, and I followed along.  On the elevator ride, we found out we were both former students of guest speaker, Ruth Moose, had both grown up in Charlotte and went to Chapel Hill and were both working writers.  When Ruth saw us at the club, she was thrilled that we were there and formally introduced Laura and Lauren.  Before beginning her reading, she gave us a shout out: "Two former students who survived my class are here!" 

As she read excerpts from her book of poetry "The Librarian and Other Stories," I thought "Huh, modern poetry can be 1) understandable and 2) funny.  I may actually go out and buy a book of poems!"  I know, I know, this sounds like absolute blasphemy coming from a self-professed writer, but I have not written poems in so long, and many of the contemporary poetry I've read is obtuse and leaves me wondering on the point.  Don't get me wrong, give me Shakespeare or Chaucer or Tennyson any day, but contemporary poetry...well, I just hadn't "gotten" it yet.  Well, I got it tonight.  And it absolutely delighted me.  One of her stories about this fictional librarian character was a flashback to her college years when she attends a reunion. She remembers a tryst with a professor, women she attended school with who were there to get their Mrs. degree and so forth, and I not only felt like I knew this character in the span of a one-page poem, but the librarian also made me miss Kayla.

Who is Kayla?  She is my fictional character from the novel I started in college and have yet to finish.  Ruth talked about how the character of the librarian felt so real and but that since writing over 50 poems about her, she seems to have left and has been hard to get back.  I feel the same way about Kayla.  Part of my inhibition about finishing the book is that I won't be able to find Kayla again when I go looking for her.  A big part of her was me at that time, and another part of her was the me I only dared to be on the page.  But the me I am now is so different, that finding Kayla - that old mix of who I was and who I wanted to be - seems much more difficult than when I was living it.

Another admission - the semester I spent writing Kayla's story, I didn't act entirely like myself.  My imagination and my character started having such an influence on me, I found myself doing things for Kayla's sake - for the sake of her story.  Getting sucked up in that world was okay when that's all I really had to worry about, but with a real job and many real life activities, part of me has shied away from working on my book because I don't want to be possessed by Kayla .  Which is why I need to go back to school - so being possessed by your character, or just believing in them so much you think of them as real people, is perfectly acceptable. ;)

At the end of the club I met another Chapel Hill grad, Chris Wampler, who is writes a blog (though I must say, it is much more accomplished and far-reaching than mine) and who has written a book which one can purchase on Amazon.  I'm fairly impressed. lol  His blog interviews writers about their books and such. Link here: http://kriswampler.wordpress.com/.  Anyway, we had a very nice discussion about writing, life, traveling and Ron Paul.  Don't ask.  But nonetheless, I'm happy to have made two new friends who are writers and to have tried out the Charlotte Writers Club.  I look forward to going back. 

On a different note, I did officially finished applying to all 13 grad schools: Stanford, Brown, UVA, Penn State, Johns Hopkins, Univ. of Colorado, Univ. of Michigan, Univ. of TX, Vanderbilt, Washington University in St. Louis, UNC-W, UNC-G, and UF.  From here on out, it's up to God as to where I should end up.  Each program has significant draws - Stanford, is well, Stanford and the most prestigious of the lot.  Brown has a terrific arts program and would let me take drama and fine art alongside writing courses. The UNC's are close to home and family.  Boulder is a beautiful city and would be a very unique experience.  Austin has a lot of fascinating culture and is has a large tango and silk aerial scene.  Johns Hopkins would be close to my MD family.  Lieselotte is also applying to Wash U, and if we both got in there, that would be very hard to turn down.  And so on.  So, please God, make this choice a clear one when the time comes!  (Which won't be until March or April).

And then to celebrate, I think I'll go to Europe in May.  I miss England something terrible, and Lieselotte studying abroad in Amsterdam, and my friends in Spain.  It is time.  We'll just have to see if I can afford it and if so, for how long.

with some of my friends at Second String

with my friend Drew at Second String

As a side note, I've been attending some fabulous Christmas parties lately and went to a milonga (Argentine tango dance) the other night which was so delightful, as I've been out of the tango scene for such a long time lately.  I'll attach a couple photos from Second String Santa - a charity party I go to each year.

How is it Nearly Christmas?

The nuclear family on Thanksgiving.

This time of year, the days seem to go by in such a blur, all of a sudden you wake up and think "Where did October and November go??"  For the last month or so, I've been so preoccupied with my graduate school applications and busy with work for the Observer, I feel like the season hasn't really sunk in yet. 

All 17 of us on Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving was great - there were 17 of us at Uncle Bob's house - but it was a bit of a bummer not traveling like we normally do for the holiday.  I'm sure we won't be going anywhere for Christmas either, but perhaps we can go see my family in MD or FL after Christmas.  I miss them a lot, and the sudden reality of not being here next year is hitting me quite forcefully. 

It's a strange and exciting prospect - leaving here for the great unknown.  For the moment, I'm trying not to think about it.  God has it under control and wherever I should go, that is where I will get in - I have no doubt.  But if it is one of the schools very far away from all my family and friends, it will prove an adjustment.  Not that I couldn't handle it - I've never really gotten homesick per say, but it will be more a sadness of missing out on things.  Things like my little cousins' birthday parties, my grandparents' stories, watching So You Think You Can Dance with Mom, and Christmas tea parties with my life group gals.  That is the problem with someone who loves so many people, places and things - you want to be split into multiple persons in order to fully enjoy everything. 

Until now, leaving didn't really seem like a reality - more like a far off dream.  But, now that all my applications are submitted, for better or for worse, the prospect is quite real. I should find out in March and April, which, at the rate time is going, will be here before I know it.  However, I may not get into any of the schools - they are all so prestigious - so who knows, maybe all this anticipation is for nothing. 

On a different note, I'm going to do my first silk aerial performance Dec. 18.  It will only be 4 1/2 minutes long, but I'm quite excited.  My family and friends are all coming to watch.  Oh, and I also went indoor rock climbing recently and did pretty well for my first time in about 8 years!  I thank the silks for all my new-found upper body strength. :)

Vanessa, me, Heather, Amanda, Whitney at Christmas Tea.

Last night, I went with four of my life group girls to the Historic Reid House of downtown Matthews for a Christmas Tea Party.  We dressed all up and wore old hats and gloves given to my friend Whitney by her grandmother.  All the people there made such a fuss over us and asked to take our picture.  The tea was put on by the Matthew's Women's Club and all the treats were homemade.  I bought a recipe book with all those recipes and more afterward because they were so delicious!  It made me miss England something terrible though!  Whitney and I spoke in British accents half the time and there were carolers and a harpist and pianist.  It was a lovely start to the season, and I'm doing a story on the group who puts on the tea every year - I'll return on Sunday for their first ever Children's Tea.  I can't wait to see all the little girls dressed up for tea time!

I'm attending so many Christmas parties this season.  Luckily, the one I'm going to tomorrow night is a bonfire at a friend's house and is therefore free.  The Christmas Tea was $25 and Second String Santa which I always attend is $20 plus a toy, so when I get free entertainment, I'm thrilled.  lol 

Showing off my outfit.

Unfortunately, with the Christmas season upon us, I just spent $350 on my car.  Ugg.  It started making a horrible squealing sound that we thought was the rear differential fluid, so I had that replaced, but then the sound came back and they discovered that it was my rear breaks.  However, it is now humming quite perfectly so at least I know I'm safe on the road.