Good Times with Friends = Lonely Dreams

I woke up feeling an overwhelming sense of loneliness.   It was a bizarre dream that put me there. 

Me, Vanessa, EA, Drew, Ben, Andi and little Isiah at Beauty and the Beast.

I was sitting in a class on the Chapel Hill campus (at my present or future age, not past), next to a friend I have from Charlotte currently.  The professor decided that everyone should leave with someone new, and I was paired with this freshman kid.  As we walked out, he started talking and was so obnoxious it was unbelievable.  Finally, I told him how to get to his dorm (after a derisive comment from him about "How would you know how to get there?" and my response "I've lived here for a long time Little Boy." (Ok, so I didn't really say the last two words, but I wanted to).  After he finally left, I walked down Stadium Drive (the road where my dorm was that I lived in for four years), and passed this huge dorm at the beginning of the street called Carmichael.  A little girl was advertising a dance that was going to be held in Carmichael and I asked who was in charge so I could talk to them.  She let me in the building and took me to her father who was working behind a desk.  He was a very intimidating man.  I asked if the Ballroom Club could perform at their dance, and he gave me this whole spiel about how they were changing the way they were doing dances and basically, they didn't want it to be a ballroom dance with lessons and such.  I said that he misunderstood me - I just wanted us to perform a number or two as guest performers, not teachers.  That way, we could attract more people to our club.  I wanted to run down to my dorm, Parker, to get something and prove to him who I was, when I looked at my keys. 

Just the gals in our 3D glasses - Vanessa, me, EA, Andi.

At first, I thought I'd lost my pass to get into my dorm, and then I was thinking about it, and I didn't remember getting one.  Then, suddenly, I realized - I no longer lived there.  As that realization kicked in, I thought I must now live off campus because I was not an undergrad anymore.  Then I thought, "OMG, so I must not be Ballroom Club president anymore - you have to be an undergrad."  THEN, I realized, holy crap - I don't go to school here anymore period!  I can't, because Chapel Hill doesn't have a graduate writing program.  And all of a sudden, I felt a huge sense of loneliness and abandonment come over me.

Vanessa, Andy, me, Ben and Jess bowling.

I know, it doesn't sound that bad, laughable almost, but was was really not a good feeling to wake up to.  I had to keep reminding myself over and over that no matter where I go, I will make new friends and I will be happy and involved.  Part of this dream surely came from the fact that my Charlotte friend group is not only large but growing in both number and closeness.  Last night, I went to a birthday party at my friend Angela's house and then to a game night at Elizabeth Anne's house.  There were many friends and acquaintances at her house and I had such a great time getting to know everyone better.  Charlotte ONE also started last Tuesday and I made a couple new friends there.  Tonight, a bunch of people are getting together at my friend Ben's house to watch a great Christian speaker streaming live from a nearby church (it would be too crowded to go in person). Last weekend, several of us went to see Beauty and the Beast in 3D after church, and later went bowling (I scored a 143 one game!). 

But I suppose all this friend time is making me realize how much I will miss them all when I'm gone.  I so hope that Lieselotte and I either end up at the same school or in close proximity.  How much better it would be to start a whole new life with someone who I know like the back of my hand.  The great thing about true friendship is, that no matter how far away you are, you never feel emotionally distanced.  But it's the day to day things - grabbing coffee, discussing lectures, going to the mall, watching a good movie - that I miss so much from our friendship.  I'm beyond excited that I will get to see here once in February (when I go to visit her in Raleigh), once in March (when she comes to visit me in Charlotte) and then again in May when I visit her in Amsterdam.  I'm so very proud of her - the reason she is back in the USA for Feb and March is because she got interviews for her PhD program at Berkeley, Duke, UNC and Washington Univ.  Go Lieselotte!

Yesterday I made my first ever Vegan Banana Bread - it actually turned out very well.  I think I will try it again soon - healthier by far than the normal kind, since there is no butter or milk or eggs.