How Blessed Thou Art

Bethany in El Salvador, one of her first stops.

Tonight at Life Group, my dear sweet friend Bethany skyped in from Thailand.  It was 7 a.m. her time - 104 degrees and high humidity. She'd just woken up after sleeping on the roof because inside was too hot and she kept apologizing for her morning hair - as if we'd care.  She is now in her 4th month of mission work through The World Race after spending the first three months in South America.  Her next stop is Cambodia, then three countries in Africa, then Nepal and India.  And honestly, I don't know how she is doing it.  I am so very proud and in awe of her willingness to follow God's plan to the literal ends of the earth.  I know she is touching so many lives in ways we can't even imagine, but seeing her made my heart ache for her, and hearing about her struggles made me want to give her a hug (or at least a clean shower and some new clothes).  Just try to imagine - living in the same six outfits, with the same group of people 24/7, in all third-world countries, none of which speak English, working your butt off - for 11 months.  Ok, give up.  You can't imagine it.  But if you want to get a better idea, read her blog: http://bethanywaddell.theworldrace.org/.  I have to say, it's way better than mine. lol Mostly because it's so absolutely fascinating. Almost every entry makes me either laugh or cry. 

Recently, one of her temporary teammates went back home (former "World Racers" spend the first 3 months with the new batch, then leave once they've gotten the hang of things).  Anyway, when her friend Becki arrived in the airport, her boyfriend met her there and proposed.  The photo she posted to her blog showing their reunion made me cry.  The love, joy and thankfulness on both their faces was so tangible.  The shot should be on the cover of a magazine...it was beautiful.  So beautiful that it made me cry.  That, and the fact that Bethany and I both know what it feels like to watch all our friends get married one after another and wonder if perhaps there is something to "different" about us. (Though I agree with her statement in the blog that this feeling of inadequacy comes from all the social media that rubs all the good stuff in our faces but which often lacks the truth of people's lives). 

So anyway, even though it made me cry and made me feel a little self-pitying, it also gave me hope.  Hope that one day, I'll be the girl in that photo.  That one day, someone will really see me for me.  I know it will happen - it's all about God's timing.  And right now, His timing is for me to go to Europe and have a fabulous time filled with new foods and friends and beautiful sights.  To say I'm excited is an understatement.

Tonight I feel so grateful.  So grateful for my family and my friends and the opportunities I've been given. Sometimes, we start to take these things for granted - but then talking to someone like Bethany and listening to all she's gone through and how foreign everything is and feels; how the only breakfast food in Thailand is pork flavored oatmeal - it makes you so thankful for what you have. 

My new 102 year old friend - shopping at Stein Mart.

Oh, and I also went shopping with a 102 year old lady today who I'm writing a story on.  102 and the woman goes shopping 2 days a week, standing the whole time.  Today she bought a sparkly pair of low silver heels.  I showed her a pair of more practical silver Sam & Libby flats, but she wanted the heels.  I had to sit in awe of her energy and gumption.  And I felt so thankful that I got to meet her - that my position allows me to meet amazing people like this.  I've met so many amazing people during my time with the paper in the last year and half.  Truly, I am ever so blessed. 

The silver shoes she had to have!

Now, in Europe, I'll get to meet a whole bunch more brand new people to learn even more about life and how to love the world.  What a joy!

The 80s are Back!

Crazy ladies at the clothing swap!

I had such a good weekend!  Friday night I went to my friend Bill's art show.  He was my first Argentine Tango teacher and is also an amazing artist, painting scenes primarily of Argentina and tango dancers. After there I met up with my friend Vanessa at her place in Concord and we went (with her adorable son Isaiah) to Olive Garden for dinner.  Afterward, we watched her favorite movie: "Life is Beautiful."  It is in Italian (which she speaks fluently) and they speak so fast I could barely read the subtitles in time during much of it, but I really enjoyed it.  It has such a unique mix of humor,sentiment and tragedy (it takes place during the Holocaust).  It reminded me a little of a Woody Allen film.  Anyway, I recommend it if you haven't seen it.

With Angela before the 80s party.

On Saturday evening after teaching my little girls Bible study class, I went to a clothing exchange party.  Basically, about 20 women brought all their old clothes/accessories over to one's house and we spread everything out over every piece of furniture in the house and then just started "shopping" for new things.  It is such a great/fun idea because you walk away with a whole new wardrobe for free.  I was able to find some accessories to dress up my 80s outfit (which I brought with me to attend an 80s themed b-day party at The Breakfast Club) and my friend Angela found a whole outfit to wear to the party.  It was so much fun!

At The Breakfast Club, they play all 80s music and the big screens on the wall play scenes from 80s movies.  Most people dress up and it is such a riot!  My friend Josh met us out, as did Vanessa.  As one of my friends put it, "The great thing about the 80s is that you can dance like an idiot and no one cares!"  lol

I had such a good time, though my knees and toes were aching the next day.  I do not remember feeling like this after dancing for 2 hours in heels when I was 22.  I'm getting old......lol.

At The Breakfast Club: L, Brent, Jess, Ben.

On Sunday after church and lunch, a bunch of my friends and I went to Freedom Park and the weather was out of this world!  It was high 70s with a nice breeze.  I played one round of volleyball, but I'm incredibly terrible at it. lol  I don't have depth-perception or something because I can never tell where the ball is going to land until it's in the sand. I felt bad for my team.  The one time I did something right and smacked the ball to another one of my teammates, they were all congratulating me.  That's when you know you're really bad. haha

I'm sad I'll have to miss four weeks of Park Day (as we call it) while I'm gone...but not TOO sad. ;)

I'm getting ever more excited about Europe and my return to CouchSurfing.  I miss meeting exciting new people all the time and setting out on my own, with no one's schedule to adhere to but my own.

Poem I Wrote

With my cousins and grandparents.

Reflection

It's on a quiet night
like this one here,
when you think about all
that you hold dear.

The extended family
who helped you grow;
the brother you love

Mom and Dad - my first birthday.

even when he doesn't know.

Parents who did everything
to make sure you were well;
whose love poured out
in every story they would tell.

Friends who have known you
from the time you were small,
who will be there for you always

My brother and me with Grandma and Grandpa.

no matter what time you call.

The army man on the plane
who talked away your fears,
though he hadn't slept
in what seemed like years.

All across the world
the lost sisters that you found;
though they didn't speak your tongue
their heartbeats shared your sound.

With my oldest friend.

The red rocks of the west
so vibrant in hue;
the snow-capped mountains
reaching into the blue.


The way the stars shine
on a moonless night;
diamonds on black velvet
- a breathtaking sight.

Thunder rolling just outside
with the summer smell of rain
- reminds me of childhood,

With lost sister Anna in Greece.

memories free from pain.

Sometimes growing up
feels strange and scary
but when I count my blessings
I never feel wary. 

Surely my life will be
something more than I can see;
for I have been given the keys
to unlock the very heart of me.

Red rocks of Utah.

The Grand Tetons.

 

Stars in Capitol Reef National Park, UT.

Summer storm in Tucson.

The Beginning of Something New (I Hope!)

Today I got my final MFA writing program rejection.  To say I am not disappointed would be a lie, but after so many others, it doesn't really come as a surprise.  I'm glad I tried (even if it does feel like I just flushed $1,000 down the toilet).  This was something that's been on my mind for a few years and if I hadn't tried, I would have always wondered.  And, I can always try again in future if I want to.  (And maybe be a little more realistic about the programs I apply to - applying only to schools whose acceptance rates range from .25% to 2% isn't the best idea).  Every program said this year's applicant pool was the largest to date - no wonder, it's hard to find jobs out there!  So yes, I'm disappointed, but instead of looking at this as the end, I'm trying to look at is as the start of something new.

I know that door is closed for now, and I know that I don't want to keep freelancing forever.  I need a career - a job that has benefits and that I can make a living from.  It is time to grow up.  So, I will start pursuing other options.  I have a few people with connections that I am going to talk to and hopefully by the time I return from Europe at the end of May, I can start really focusing on that next step.

Encouraging Moments

Last Sunday at church, before the message, a video played.  It was a woman who goes to our church talking about volunteering.  She said it doesn't take very long going to Forest Hill (my church) before hearing about the importance of volunteering and she was thinking "Lord, how will you use me?"  Then, the next Sunday she woke up and read an article in the Charlotte Observer about Hope Teams (formed by members of the church/community) being paired with families in poverty.  Something just really touched her about the idea. She came to church and the Hope Team organizer was there.  The woman and her family took on a family (single mother with children) in whom they then invested their time and love. Eventually, the single mother agreed to come to church and was so moved by the sermon that she immediately gave her life to Christ and was baptized the following week.  Her life and her children's lives have been completely changed thanks to the woman who read the article and decided to serve. 

That article was written by me.

When I heard this video in church and realized the impact my article had (many months ago), I was ecstatic.  I have been feeling frustrated with work lately and disheartened with my abilities as a writer (as I got rejection after rejection from grad schools).  But this, this showed me that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or how tedious my job can feel at times - my words do make a difference. 

I get a few thank-you emails now and then from people about article's I've written, but usually from the family I wrote about.  But this little glimpse into this woman's life made me realize that if that one article touched so many lives just by that one woman reading it, then surely many of my articles have done similar things in other strangers' lives.  That is such an encouragement. :)

Best Birthday Ever

 

Sydney and Camryn on my b-day playing outside.

My 25th birthday was Thursday, and to be honest, the prospect of turning 25 was slightly terrifying.  I now round closer to 30 than 20.  I am 25 and don't have a job with benefits, or a place of my own, or a husband (or a boyfriend for that matter), or any of things I thought I'd have by this age.  But do you know what I realized over the last week?  I have exactly what I need and so much more!

On the Saturday before my birthday, my best friend Lieselotte came into town from St. Louis where she had her last interview for a PhD program in biology.  She arrived with great news: she got into every school that she interviewed with - Duke, UNC, Berkeley, San Diego and Wash Univ in St. Louis.  She is currently learning toward Berkeley, which I think she would enjoy greatly and which would give me yet another reason to return to the Bay area.

The night she arrived, we drove straight to a pizza place with TVs to finish watching the Carolina game while eating pizza.  Tiffany and her fiance Mich met us there, and my two best friends finally got to meet!  The food was delicious and I was so happy to have us all together.  Afterward, we went back to my house and played Taboo which turned out in a perfect tied (Lies and me vs. Tiff and Mitch). 

After church the next day, Lieselotte and I went for a long walk through the park next door and caught up on life.  It is hard knowing that even though she'll be back in the USA, Lieselotte will still be far away from me wherever she chooses to attend school. However, our continued closeness over the last two years while she was in Holland gives me assurance that we will always remain close.

Some of my gang before being seated at Brio.

On Monday evening we met my friends Rachel and Jamie for dinner at Red Rocks to celebrate my birthday early (as all of them would not be around the next weekend for my official party).  After that, we went to Amalies' french bakery where Vanessa also joined us.  That was really nice because Vanessa has become my closest friend in Charlotte, so Lieselotte got to meet Tiffany - my oldest childhood friend - and Vanessa, my newest closest friend.  As we sat around the table with classic jazz music swirling around us, we talked about life, and the difficulties people our age have at finding the right person, the right career and enough time for everything life throws at us.  I can't say the conversation was exactly uplifting (I mean think of it - meeting the exact right person for you takes an incredible combination of timing, chemistry, concessions and mutual admiration), but we did all feel a camaraderie in realizing that, even though we are all from very different walks of life, we area all going through the same thing.

On Tuesday I drove Lies to the bus station to catch a ride back to Raleigh before returning to Holland.  I then spent the afternoon in Smelly Cat coffee shop working on my laptop until silk class. 

Benny, me, Vanessa, Ford at dinner.

On Thursday (my actual bday), I babysat for my little cousins from 7:30-5:30, then I volunteered at Quail Hollow Middle teaching dance, and as mom and dad were at bowling, I figured I'd be coming home to an empty house.  However, my friend Kherri from silk class asked if she could take me out for dinner, so I met her at Bonefish and we had a great chat over a delicious dinner. 

Friday night Uncle Bob, Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, Dad and I all went to the Cypress (the retirement community where g-ma and g-pa live) and ate dinner in the dining room there.  It is delicious, cruise-ship style fare and it was very nice to be surrounded by family. Mom and Dad got me a few birthday items I'd been wanting and when we went back to g-ma's apartment, we watched old movies from when I was a little girl.

My birthday cake surprise.

On Saturday I spent several hours working on a seating chart for my friend birthday dinner to be held at Brio Italian Restaurant.  I had 25 people scheduled to come and I wanted to make sure no one got stuck in between a bunch of people he/she didn't know.  I then had dad use his calligraphy to write names on 25 envelopes, then I wrote 25 thank you cards, personalized for each guest, thanking them for being my friend and sharing my special day with me. I dressed up and curled my hair and when I got to the restaurant, I was surrounded by two dozen smiling friends.  Before we were seated, the hostess led me back so I could put a card on each spot so everyone would know where to sit.  (The wait staff was quite impressed with the calligraphy, lol).  Only one of my guests was not able to make it, as she had gotten very sick that day. Everyone else showed up, which really means thew world to me.  As my friend Chastity says, everyone has a love language - whether it be the written word, human touch, or, as for me, the presence and commitment of people who care.  As our pastor puts it, children spell love T.I.M.E. - so does God - so do I.  In a world full of abandoned commitments and fickle, wishy-washy plans, to have everyone come and be on time was the best gift I could receive.

With my best Charlotte friend.

After we all took our seats, I looked up and down the long table and just couldn't stop smiling.  I had as many people there as the age I was turning, and everyone was happy and talking and smiling.  One couldn't help but feel the love all around us.  Even my friends who were skeptical of the idea of a seating chart admitted that it worked out really well, as no one looked or felt out of place.  After dinner, I was surprised by a lit birthday cake that my girlfriends had gone in on.  I was able to blow out every candle with one breath...save one. lol  It was actually pretty comical. The wait staff then took it away again and cut it up for everyone, saving me the trouble.  I really can't say enough for the staff at Brio - WOW - they are awesome.

Vanessa, Taylor, me, Josh, Angela at Andrew Blair's.

Afterward, Vanessa, Taylor, Josh, Angela and Stephanie came with me to Andrew Blairs - a dance club and bar.  My friend Alissa met us there as well.  I had such a good time dancing and was impressed that both guys danced as well.  We left about 1 a.m., which didn't seem too terribly late until we realized the time was changing and it was really 2 a.m.  I then had to wake up at 10 for church. Eek.

I took an Advil the next morning to ward off my lack-of-sleep headache, then met Josh a little late in the lobby to go into church.  Afterward, a bunch of the gang picked up food to go and went to Freedom Park as it was 65 degrees and sunny.  Taylor and Vanessa (who didn't make it to church), met us at the park and we played a little Frisbee and soccer.  It was absolutely gorgeous and I honestly felt like the luckiest girl in the world.  (And I only got a little sunburned).

Josh, Alissa, me and Taylor at Andrew Blair's.

Overall, it was an awesome weekend and 25 doesn't feel so bad after realizing how blessed I am in friends and family.

I am still waiting to hear from six grad schools, having been turned down from seven (the latest was Johns Hopkins).  But, whatever happens, I know it's in God's hands.

Beautiful Day

Written Tuesday:

Carson Hill

I've been in a bit of a funk the past few days - it's been cold and rainy and just dreary.  But today - oh today is so beautiful I can't help the dopy grin on my face as I sit outside working on the back porch. During work breaks, I do cartwheels and handstands in the yard.  The sky is Carolina blue, with only a few wispy white clouds. It is a balmy 66 degrees and since my allergy shots have started working, I can sit out here, smell the fresh air and new blooming flowers and not have to blow my nose every three seconds.

This morning I went to Mom's school where a girl named Carson Hill was singing for the school.  Carson is from a little town in Anson County, NC and has a cousin at Polo Ridge Elementary.  She just turned 14 and is absolutely amazing!  She sounds like Taylor Swift - though possibly better live (as I've heard them both live).  She writes her own songs and she is such a sweet little thing.  I really hope she makes it big someday. :)

With Carson.

Speaking of singing, tonight I'll be in a karaoke competition (the finals this time) - I'm so nervous.  I can't sing the song that I won the semifinals with (Hit Me With Your Best Shot) which is probably my best.  I think I'll probably sing Jewel's "You Were Meant for Me."

Written Thursday: 
So I didn't place in the karaoke competition on Tuesday :(  But that's okay - it was totally rigged.  The judges seemed to be friends with most of the other contestants and I also think there was some racial prejudice against me...but two of my friends, Angela and Jeff, stayed to watch me even though I didn't compete until about 11:30 pm, so I was really thankful to have them and they assured me that I'd done better than some of the ones who placed.  That made me feel good. :)

Class picture of Littleton and her all-male class.

On Wednesday I got to meet with the most fascinating woman - Dr. Littleton.  She is 92 years old and was one of four women in an 84 member medical school program from 1942-45.  Then she was the only woman to attend Charlotte Memorial Hospital (now CMC) for her rotating internship.  She had to live in the nurses dormitory because she was the only female doctor.  But amazingly, she said she never felt discriminated against and said all the other residents and instructing doctors treated her as an equal. That sort of amazed me.  During her time in Charlotte, she decided to specialize in Pediatrics and went back to Virginia for another 3 years to specialize in peds.  Then started her own private practice in Salisbury (or was it Statesville?) where she was one of the only doctors who had a non-segregated office.  "Babies are babies, no matter what color they are," she said.  After some years there, she moved to Orlando and worked as a doctor for the Navy base there. 

Now 92, she's still full of stories from the old days.

She never married.  "I fell in love once, but he wanted a full time wife and mother, and I wanted a full time career," she told me.  "People ask me if I had any children, and I tell them, about 18,000!" 

I felt to privileged to get to talk with this living legacy!  And at 92 she is sharp as a tack! 

After having dinner with Grandma, Grandpa and mom, I went to Bible study and we had 2 new girls who were very nice and I really hope they join us.  Afterward, our girls group joined the guys life group (who also meet on Wed nights) at Selwyn Pub and we just had a really nice time catching up and scarfing down half-off pizza. :)